


Love Me

by Idontneedyouanymore



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Physical Abuse, Precious Peter Parker, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-01-15 13:30:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21254150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idontneedyouanymore/pseuds/Idontneedyouanymore
Summary: Peter Parker is good at not being seen. He’s always been able to hide himself from the world and the cold people.Sometimes he wishes the people in his life could see the pain that he is in. The amount of trauma coursing through his veins. Sometimes he just wishes that someone would hold him.Maybe he is forever forgotten though.





	1. Chapter 1

Love me   
Love me   
Love me   
Love me   
LOVE ME

Say yes. Say that I wasn’t a game. Say that I was worth something to you. Say that I was actually loved and that I was more than just a fuck. Please love me. Just give me love. Make me feel again. Make me wanna be alive agai-

“Peter!”

The pencil dropped silently to the ground from his hand. His hands trembled as he reached to pick it up from the dirty carpet that laid on the old, creaky floor.

  
“Damnit Peter! Open the fucking door right now or I swear to God!”

  
What? What will you do to me? Will you hurt me more than usual? Or will you just leave me to suffer alone?

  
With a huff, the skinny teen pulled himself up from his desk and walked over to the door, getting ready mentally for a scolding.

  
The door handle twisted carefully as he pulled it open and bowed his head to the man in front of him.

  
“Sorry Jack, I didn’t hear you…”

  
the older boy laughed a little and ran a hand through his own dirty blonde hair.

  
“Maybe if you weren’t so stupid you’d learn to listen to me Parker.”

  
There was that sinister smile that Peter recognized.

  
Stupid.

  
“Sorry. I will next time. I’m sorry.”

  
Jack huffed and walked into the teens bedroom, clearly on a mission to find something to get Peter in trouble for. He wouldn’t find anything though, the one thing that the boy was good at was hiding, not just things, but himself as well. Peter was talented when it came to be small and not letting the spotlight be dragged to him, it’s not like it’s the greatest talent or anything, but at least he was able to keep out of trouble most of the time.

  
The taller boy turned around and got into the boys face, really close, close enough to smell the whiskey on his breath and see the glimmer of hatred in his eyes. It was almost enough to send chills down Peter’s spine, but he kept his gaze on the ground and shuffled his feet a little bit, just enough to make Jack notice.

  
With a huff, the man stomped on Pete’s foot, making the thin boy wince, but no noise escaped his mouth.

  
It was considered a success.

  
“Stupid fuck, no wonder May doens’t love you, you’re a waste of time and space, nothing more than a piece of work and and extra mouth to feed.”

  
With that, the door slammed shut and Pete was alone once again, as usual.

  
Jack wasn’t wrong though, maybe that’s what hurts the most. 


	2. Am I ever going to be worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he fell into bed, curling in on himself, Peter realized that he wasn’t ever going to be worth it.   
He was never going to be worth Jack’s love and support.   
He was never going to be worth Mister Starks Time.

Jack came home with Sour Punch Straws tonight, Peter’s favorite in the whole world. Sure, he enjoyed chocolate, but fruity candy would always be his thing. 

It came as a surprise to Peter when Jack handed him the bag. The boy usually gets on his case about eating junk food, he always says that he doesn’t need to be even more fat, and most of the time Peter listens, except when it’s lab time and Mister Stark wants Chinese take out. Peter loves take out. He can’t resist it. 

So getting a bag of candy was pretty shocking, it had been two days since the foot stomping incident and the smaller boy will admit, his toes were slightly bruised. But it fades quicker than normal, so it’s okay. He’s fine. It’s fine. 

With a small kiss to his cheek, Jack sat on the couch and turned on some show that Peter had never seen before in his life, but he didn’t bother saying anything about it. If Jack wanted to watch it, he got to watch it. It wasn’t up to Peter what they got to watch. It’s always what Jack wants, and if he has a problem with it, it’s bad. 

He doesn’t voice his opinions. 

“Honey, just cause I got you some candy doesn’t mean you can eat through that whole bag in one night. I thought we talked about the weight thing?”

_ Oh, there it is.  _

Peter cleared his throat and out the bag down on the table, pulling his legs back up and curling up on the couch. 

“Right, I’m sorry Jack.” 

The older boy gave him side eye and just shook his head, pointing to Peter’s tummy. 

“You know that will just make you even more ugly honey. Don’t be stupid.” 

Peter used to think that he was smart, that maybe he would do something great, but Jack is always right. He’s stupid and dumb, it’s amazing that Mister Stark even wants him around anymore, he’s just some idiotic teenage boy. 

Sad little orphan. 

_ Stop, you’re worth it.  _

_ No you aren’t, stupid Faggot.  _

_ Don’t listen to them, you are worth something.  _

_ Kill yourself idiot.  _

Peter dug his nails into his soft palms and continued to watch the dumb show on the TV screen. 

“Are you gonna make me dinner or just sit there and do nothing like always?”

The thin boy jumped at his boyfriend’s tone and cleared his throat. 

“Right. I’m sorry Jack. I was just spacing ou-“

The older boy grabbed his thigh roughly. 

“Does it look like I wanna hear excuses. Shut the fuck up and go fag.”

With that he pushed Peter of the couch and let the boy bang his head on the coffee table. 

With a wince, Peter got up and pulled his sweater down a little further, making sweater paws that somehow made him feel a little safer.

There wasn’t much to make dinner with and he knew that Jack was going to be upset about the lack of energy he put into the dish, but at least it was something. 

He placed the boys plate of chicken and rice down in front of him and went back to grab his own. 

“Where are you going?” 

Peter turned back around and watched as Jack got up from the couch and stalked over to him. 

“You don’t get to eat sweetie. You’re getting to fat and you know it. Come on now. Don’t be so silly. You had your treat. I won’t date a fat faggot.” 

Peter turned his eyes to the ground and let out a little sigh as Jack walked back to the couch. 

Instead of mourning over the loss of food, Peter sat down and pulled out his homework in hopes of getting some of it done a little earlier than needed. It was another way of ignoring the pain shooting through his stomach caused by hunger. 

He didn’t need food. 

Jack was right. He had a bit of a tummy now and it shouldn’t eat anything until he’s thin again. 

He’s disgusting and ugly. It’s no wonder Mister Stark never wants to spend time with him. He’s a waste of breath and space. He’s just a nuisance in the end. 

Maybe it would be better if he just killed himself. Maybe things would be okay and everyone would be happier. 

He knows for sure that everyone at his school would be glad, even Mister Stark would be happy about it in the long run. 

Jack might be a little upset, but he’s always upset with Peter anyway so what does it matter? 

With a soft sigh Peter closed his textbook, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to get anything done. 

“I’m going to bed a little early if that’s alright. I’m really tired.” 

Jack huffed and shrugged. Showing that he didn’t care. It wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t but sometimes Peter wishes that he’d give him a goodnight kiss or a hug. 

He always use to do that. 

“Okay. Goodnight Jack.” 

As he walked toward the bedroom, he felt eyes staring at him and he knew what he’d forgotten. So with all the fake emotion one could muster up, Peter whispered a small, “I love you.” And walked away. 

As he fell into bed, curling in on himself, Peter realized that he wasn’t ever going to be worth it. 

He was never going to be worth Jack’s love and support. 

He was never going to be worth Mister Starks time. 

He wasn’t worth anything. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I got this up so late I’ve been so busy with school and work and I really just needed to catch up on some sleep   
I hope y’all enjoy this though! Let me know if you’re interested in me continuing the story   
Stay safe Loves❤️


	3. Master of Feelings(or maybe not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is well known for hiding his feelings, but sometimes the world gets the best of him.

The thing is, he used to see everything amazing and beautiful in Jack, the older boy was someone he looked up to and loved with all his heart, he did love Jack, and there was no denying it, the boy was a part of his life now, for better or for worse, it was hard to tell sometimes. 

Peter isn't great with feelings and sometimes they catch him off guard and he completely falls apart, it's not really his fault, he was just never allowed to feel too much, most of the time Aunt May was tired and stressed about everything, so why would Peter put her through even more when he could just be quiet for once in his life. It wasn't too much to ask of him honestly, he was annoying and selfish, just like Jack said. Jack is usually right anyway, he just needs to learn to shut his mouth, something that he isn’t very good at, he likes talking about his day and talking about the things that he learned. He enjoys learning and talking about everything that he learned, it was something that he used to do with his Aunt all the time, something that he didn’t have anymore, because Jack didn’t care at all. He didn’t care about Pete’s day or if he was doing well if he wanted something to eat, in fact, if he wanted something to eat, he had to ask and it had to be something small and healthy, like carrots. Peter hates carrots, he hates them unless they’re in carrot cake, which he loves and thinks is underrated. It’s not Jack’s fault that he wants a fit boyfriend though, Peter understands that he’s gotten ugly and fat within the past few months, he gets that and he sees that. He can barely look at himself in the mirror anymore, not without tears springing to his eyes and falling down his often bruised cheeks. It was something that changed when May had died, Peter ate his feelings and then threw them back up because he felt so repulsive and awful about himself.

Jack didn’t help with anything in the long run though, he often made Peter feel gross and useless when it came to almost everything, he made the boy feel dumb and hideous in times of need and support. Jack wasn’t helpful when it came to things regarding his mental health, but at least he claimed to love him. He held him sometimes and kissed his forehead when he woke from nightmares about Aunt May dying in front of him. Sometimes Jack would hold him close and run fingers through his hair without a second thought to it. It was something that Peter cherished from their earlier days together, something that he loved and found peace in, the soft touches and cuddles that Jack would provide him. It was freeing and healing to his heavy heart. 

Peter wasn’t great with feelings, but at least he knew how to fake them at the right moments. 

Mister Stark was upset at the lack of Peter’s visits. He claimed that the boy was off task and that even if things were hard, that they had things that they needed to get done in the lab, and it’s not something that can be put off for so long. Peter apologized and said that he just needed some time after his Aunt’s death, some time to breathe and cope with everything that was moving a little too fast for his liking. Of course, Mister Stark understood and said that he too was sorry about the outburst, and that he was just a little stressed about everything and that Pepper was on his ass about getting some things done for the company, so not having Peter there to keep things in check in the lab made things a little hard.    
Pete wasn’t upset with Mister Stark, he understood the stress and he can imagine that running a company caused a lot of stress and made someone become distressed about things. He understood and said that he’d be at the tower by 5PM, ready to work and get some things done for his mentor. The man thanked him and hung up the phone without a goodbye, something that Peter shamefully needed in that moment. He never got goodbyes or I love you’s anymore, not since May, not since that awful car crash and his Aunt’s funeral. It was something that bugged him more than it should’ve, he was, after all, a 16 year old boy that needed to learn some independence. Peter was weak and selfish, he focused only on himself and cared for nothing else. Jack was right, he was always right, it was just normal now. 

5PM came quickly, and like he said he would be, Peter was in the lab by then. Mister Stark wasn’t, he was off in some meetings, doing something more important than hanging out with some teenager, who obviously didn’t mean that much to anyone anymore. Peter was irrelevant, useless and pathetic. He knew that now, and for everyone that still had some sort of faith in him, they would lose it soon enough. 

Peter didn’t notice the tears streaming down his face or they way the screwdriver was drawing blood from where he was digging it in his palm. He didn't notice anything, not until he snapped out of his weird phase because of Mister Stark's considered yelling. The man looked shocked and confused, he was worried and quickly looking for something to bandage Peter’s hand. 

Okay, so maybe Peter Parker wasn’t all that great at hiding his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is short and I apologize. I have to go to work so I am really rushing this, I just wanted to get something out there. I am literally posting this in my English class.   
I hope you enjoy, let me know if you want some more of this or not.   
Stay safe Loves!


	4. It's better this way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes running from it is the only way to solve it

It was going to be an awkward conversation and Peter knew that he couldn’t just hide in the bathroom for the rest of his life, in fact, Mister Stark had complete control over the lock on the bathroom door, so that man could come in at any time. Maybe he was giving Peter some space, and he must know that the boy can’t get out because he would come across someone in the tower. The man was obviously outside the door, clear because of the shadow on the ground underneath the door. But Peter is really good at waiting as well, he can wait a long time for something scary to go away, he’s had the practice. 

“Peter, come one kid, can you please come out here? I’m not mad about anything, I’m just worried about you right now. Can you just talk to me. Maybe it’s not to me that you want to talk about these things with, and I hope I haven’t spoken out of term, but I can try and help with whatever is going on. Please kiddo?” 

_ Please just leave me alone sir, I promise I won’t bug you anymore, I won’t be a pest, I won’t be annoying, I’ll be a good boy, I’ll be good Mister Stark…  _

With a sigh and a rough squeeze to his thigh, Peter stood from the ground and shuffeled over to the door slowly, hunching his shoulders in hopes of looking smaller. 

Less of a target. 

More of something to love and care for. 

Nothing to hurt. 

_ Please don’t hurt me sir. I know I’m a freak and I’m so sorry…. _

Tony was waiting calmly by the door, leaning against the wall as if nothing was wrong, as if his intern hadn’t just fucking stabbed himself with a damn screwdriver. 

Who the hell does something like that? Who is so fucked up in the head that they need pain to make them feel stable and grounded. 

“Hey kid, you wanna come sit down with me, or maybe go back to the lab, work on something?” 

The normality of the sentence helped calm Peter a little bit and he grew just a little bit taller, nodding his head and chewing on his lip, hoping that he didn’t look too childish. 

Mister Stark would get sick of him for sure, the man had never wanted a kid, and all Peter was more trouble and issue. It was his fault that he was so fucked up, so he shouldn’t need the mans help, but he does and that’s probably what hurts the most. 

Not being able to help yourself and make yourself feel better is one of the worst feelings. Peter never wanted to be weak, he never wanted to ask for help, but since Aunt May’s death, things have been far too hard, life has been spinning way to fast and Peter thinks that he might fall into this bottomless pit of sorrow and pain. 

“Alright kid, what are we gonna do here? Talk now, or later? It’s up to you.”   
The man was so fucking calm and Pete really wishes that he could feel that way as well, he wishes you could feel sane and loved and important, but he knew that he wasn’t that. He knows that he’s nothing compared to all the great people Tony Stark has worked with. 

He’s just Peter Benjamin Parker, the stupid kid from Queens that can’t help himself againt some abusive boyfriend. 

Jack was the only one that loved him though, he’s the only one that wants to put up with him anymore, he’s the only one that has shown some sense of caring in his life. Since May anyway. 

Maybe Peter didn’t deserve love though, maybe he wasn’t worth anything anymore, not since he’s been ruined by some older boy that thinks he can do whatever he wants. 

“Pete, kid, I’m just worried is all. I want what’s best for you, and I want you to be safe. I know that things have been tough since May, and I get it okay, I know how much it must hurt, but you can’t bury all this shit that you’re feeling. It will only pile up more and more until you don’t know what to do with all of it. Feeling isn’t something to be ashamed of, it just proves that you are brave enough to show that you aren’t okay.” 

The man was close to him, hands on his knees, worried gaze piercing his soul, and it was suffocating. He was too close, like when Jack pushes him into the mattress and takes what he wants without any concern to what Peter wants with his body, with his life. 

Tony was just too close, and although he knew that he was safe, the boy couldn’t help but push him away and run as fast as possible out of the tower and to the Subway that was due to leave soon.

He was a coward, nothing more and nothing less. He couldn’t even open up to his father figure, he couldn’t even come out and say that he hadn’t been living on his own, but that he had been living with the boyfriend that the man didn’t know about. 

Sure, he felt awful about Tony paying rent for an apartment that he wasn’t even in most of the time, but he was so scared to leave Jack, so scared that the older boy would become angry and would take it out on someone else that wasn’t him. 

He had to stay quiet, he had to be silent and let himself suffer for a little while longer, or until he offs himself and lets it all go. 

It’s better this way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this took so long to get up, I have been working on a lot for school lately but I promise I'll update sooner next time.   
Enjoy.  
Stay safe loves.


	5. Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't stop running  
He can stop feeling though.

He ran as hard as possible to the subway, knowing that if he didn’t make it in time he would have to wait another hour.

The last thing Peter wanted was to be out in public any longer. 

Realistically, he knew that running from Mister Stark was a bad and dumb idea, the man knows where he lives, and he knows his number. 

Peter freaked out to say the least. The idea of letting someone see his heart, hear what he was going through, it was too much. 

He thought for the longest time that he would have May to be that person, but she left like everyone else in his family. She died and left Peter to fend for himself, his only hope of making it being Jack and Mister Stark. 

Jack was his next best idea. The older boy was so nice and kind, he cradled Peter in his arms when he cried, he helped him through nightmares and held him close whenever Peter felt like he was on the edge of a breakdown. 

It was all different now. Everything had changed, he had changed. So had Jack. The boy turned into a cold hearted abuser that could care less about Peter and his needs, his wants, and his feelings. Peter didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t needed or wanted. He wasn’t important to anyone. 

Mister Stark could say that he cared, he could try and make Peter feel wanted, but the boy would always know the truth. The man was like everyone else. Peter was pushed upon him, the boy forced his way into the man's life and never left. He made it worse. He ruined everything. 

He always ruined everything. 

With a heavy sigh, Peter unlocked the door to his apartment and swung it open. He was met with the nice heat, and the smell of a candle burning. 

He knew for a fact that he didn’t leave a candle burning when he left. 

Jack was here. 

The older boy looked up from his phone from where he sat on the couch and smiled. He waved Peter over, and dragged the boy into his side once he sat on the couch. 

“Hey Petey. How was the workshop?” 

Peter was on edge to say the least. Jack was never nice unless he had done something horribly wrong or wanted something from Peter. Something more than food or a simple ‘I love you’. 

“It was alright. We ended pretty early because Tony needed to get back to some meetings regarding the business.” 

Jack nodded and looked at the TV, listening in on the latest of the news, news that didn’t really interest Peter. 

Peter looked over to his bedroom and ached for a good night's sleep, god he needed his bed. He needed a fucking hug and maybe a nice warm bath. 

He needed a fucking burger. 

“Hey Jack, I think I’m going to go to bed early. I have some stuff to do in the morning and I’m really beat right now. Thanks for stopping by though. It was really nice to see you.” 

The older boy gave Peter an annoyed look and shook his head. 

“No no no, I thought we had a deal Petey? Whenever I am in need of your services. I get them, or someone gets hurt. Remember?” 

Oh. So that’s why Jack came by. He wanted Peter’s body for sex. 

It made a lot more sense when Peter thought of it that way. 

No one actually wants Peter for Peter. 

No one wants that at all. 

The problem is, Peter doesn’t enjoy sex with Jack. He doesn’t really enjoy sex at all. Maybe it’s because Jack was his first and it wasn’t a good experience because Jack only ever focused on himself, but Peter just didn’t like it. 

He hated it with Jack actually. 

Hated it. 

“Please...not tonight Jack. Tomorrow? I’m so tired…” 

The slap came out of nowhere and he was suddenly yanked off the couch by his hair and dragged to his bedroom. 

After being pushed onto the bed, stripped, and restrained by Jack’s strength, Peter shut off. 

It was easier not to think about it. 

Not to feel emotionally, although it was hard to do the same physically when Jack was so rough and never prepared him well enough, or even at all. 

It was beyond painful. But sometimes thinking about other things made it easier. 

He didn’t worry about himself at all. He never got hard, it was too painful. But it made things go quicker and it made Jack happier not having to do anything for Peter. Only for himself. 

Peter was good at one thing. 

Taking the hit. 

He woke up to many missed calls and texts from Mister Stark. Granted, he should’ve known that it would happen at some point. Tony wouldn’t have just let him run out of the lab like he did without checking up on him. Unfortunately, Peter couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed, let alone answer the phone and go to the lab again. 

His whole body was in pain. Everything was aching and Peter honestly didn’t think that he could walk without breaking down. 

He wanted May. Everything in him screamed for May or Ben, screamed for their touch and their reassurance again. He didn’t want to do this alone but he realizes that he’s going to have to. It’s better to not drag anyone else into his problems, to drag anyone else into his life that he can barely keep together on a good day. 

Mister Stark didn’t deserve to deal with Peter. He knows that he’s a lot of work and that he can be annoying most of the time. He never shuts up about science and he can barely do something labor related cause he’s so weak. It’s a shock to him that Mister Stark ever actually showed an interest in working with him in the first place. 

Sometimes Peter still wonders what it would be like if he hadn’t met Mister Stark. He wonders where he would be right now, if things would be different. If he would be happier or sadder or even dead. Peter thinks maybe everyone would be happier if he was dead. If he was actually gone and forgotten. 

Everyone would get over it at some point. 

Maybe May would still be alive too. 

He knows what Ben would be. Ben’s death was his fault to begin with, he knew the man would still be alive if he hadn’t caused the argument and ran off. 

Peter sighed and rolled on to his side. His eyes wandered to the window, watching the rain pour from the sky and the clouds move. Everything seemed so fucking dark. 

He felt so dark. Nothing matters anymore. He doesn’t matter anymore. The ache coursing through his body only reminded him of that. He can’t protect himself. He can’t even take care of himself anymore. 

He’s nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait on this. My life went to shit and with it my mental health. Not everything is better, but I want to write again, I have missed it and I honestly don't know how I lasted so long without it.   
Please check out my new Tumblr, send me prompts, talk to me, anything. My other one got deleted and I cannot access it anymore, which sucks so much, people probably think that I ghosted them. I DID NOT. I AM HERE.   
The username is spreadmeonyourtoastbitch   
sorry for the length lol, i like the name  
AGAIN I AM SORRY FOR THE WAIT.


	6. Something inside me can feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter can feel the tears taking over him, and he knows that it isn't going to get better.   
Mister Stark needs to make sure that his favorite intern is safe and taken care of.

Peter woke up with a scare. He hadn’t even realized that he fell asleep again, he never meant to go back to bed but everything that happened had taken a toll on him and he couldn’t help it. It must’ve been noon by the time that he woke up again, the rain was still falling outside, patting on the windows in the bedroom. His whole body still aches from how forceful Jack was, his legs felt weaker than usual, his body nearly giving way when he tried to get out of bed.

Peter sighed and walked into the kitchen, well more like limped. He brewed a pot of coffee and walked over to the couch, not allowing himself to eat anything. Jack would be upset, he would notice the food missing and he would surely punish Peter if he ate anything. Peter clicked on the TV and let the news play, not really caring what was playing, he wouldn’t be paying attention to anything anyway. His gaze moved to his phone as he went through the texts that he had missed from last night. Many of them were from Mister Stark, but he didn’t have the emotional energy to say anything to the man. His heart ached so badly, everything just hurt, everything was so hard without someone here to hold him, comfort him. 

Groaning, he threw his phone back down onto the couch and he curled up with a blanket, letting the warmth of it comfort him the tiniest bit. He didn’t deserve love and support though, he didn’t deserve to be cared about or loved, it was useless to try and make his way into people’s lives like they would actually care. No one cares about Peter Parker, and no one had for a long time. The only person that actually tried to be there for him was May, and now she was gone, she was gone for good and he couldn’t get her back. No one could bring him back his happiness, nothing could bring back the light that once lived in his eyes. He was lost. He was alone, even with Jack there, the older boy didn’t actually love him, no one actually loved him, especially Mister Stark. The man had so much more to worry about then some stupid teenage boy that couldn’t take care of himself long enough to survive. 

He hadn’t even noticed the tears that were pouring down his face, or the way that they were soaking the pillow beneath his head. Peter almost wanted to laugh at himself for the way that he was acting, like some broken boy that can’t take care of himself, some stupid faggot that can’t even get of the couch without crumbling to the ground because of the pain that he was in. He wasn’t able to save himself from Jack, and the older boy knew that, he knew that Peter was easier to take advantage of than most people because of how small he was, how thin he was. Peter never really grew into his body very well, he had always been small, even when he was going through puberty in middle school. It made him an easier target than most people, he was easy to bully and even easier to push around. It was normal to be in pain, to be hurt by people. Maybe that’s why he was still with Jack, because he didn’t understand what it was like to be cared for, to be loved and held carefully without bruises left behind or fear of something more happening. 

Peter was broken, and he had been for a long time. 

He was nearly sobbing at this point, his whole body shaking with each breath that was brought into his lungs, his arms snaking their way around his body in hopes of some sort of comfort. 

His sobs filled his head, making his senses go crazy, he could barely register anything going on around him. It was a panic attack, he knew that, he knew that it wasn’t unusual for him to get them, but could usually control them better than this. He was just usually better than this. But maybe he was never actually good enough to begin with, he was just a piece of shit, a worthless fag that couldn’t help himself or protect himself. 

He was so far out of it that he didn’t notice the knocking on the door of his apartment. 

The door barged open and he was so sure that it was Jack that he curled around himself and brought his arms around his head, so ready to take a hit. 

“Hey, kiddo, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”

He knew that voice. Peter knew that voice. It was a safe voice, he was safe around that voice. He removed his arms from around his head and looked up from the floor. He was met with soft brown eyes that had seen too much. 

“Mister Stark?” 

The older man smiled a little and sat down on the couch, carefully wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders. He brought the boy into his side and gently carded his fingers through his hair, using his other hand to wipe tears away from the boy's cheeks. 

That’s when he saw it, when he saw the bruise that was just below the boys eye and spread down to his jawline. 

“Peter…bub what happened to you?” 

The small boy only shook his head and brought his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and shuffling over to Mister Stark a little more. The comfort was so odd to him, but it was nice, it was something different than what he was used to, something that made him feel a bit safer than usual. He wasn’t used to the comfort of a hug, but he knew that he could be safe with Mister Stark, he knew that the man wouldn’t hurt him. He knew that. But he was still scared, he was always scared. With every loud noise he jumped and cowered away. It was just out of habit. 

“Peter, please talk to me, I can’t stand to see you like this bub, I know you’ve been hurting. Yesterday in the lab you were hurting yourself. I saw that. I need you to talk to me.” 

Peter only shook his head and wiped more tears away from his face. 

“You wouldn’t understand. You would be so ashamed of me, you would hate me Mister Stark. I know that you would.” 

Mister Stark sighed and kissed the top of the boy’s hair, bringing the teens hands into his own and running his thumb over the back of his hand. 

“I could never be ashamed of you Pete, never. I care about you, so much bubs. I know that you’re going through so much right now and you’ve experienced so much loss, but I’m here for you.” 

Peter let out a sob and curled into Mister Stark's side even more. He couldn’t believe that he was showing his weakness, that he was proving to himself of fucking weak he really was. It was just so hard, it was too hard to keep lying and pretending that everything was okay. He needed to tell someone, to let someone know how badly he was hurting, how much he wanted to die and wanted to just be gone. 

“He hurts me a lot Mister Stark. He hurts me so much and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I tried so hard to be strong and not let it get to me but I can’t handle this anymore. I wanna fucking die, I can’t Tony, I just can’t.” 

The man tensed and cupped Peter’s chin, making him look at him. 

“Who? Someone’s hurting you?”

The boy shook with fear as he muttered the words he’d been fearing for so long.

“Jack, he’s um… he’s my boyfriend. We’ve been together boy a little while and he comes over a lot. He just...he gets really mad sometimes, and he just...you know.” 

Mister Stark stared at the wall across from them and breathed in deeply, curling his hands into fists. 

With a sigh he stood up and carefully helped Peter to his feet, bringing him into a hug. 

“Okay, okay bubs. I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you kiddo. For telling me that this has been happening. You’re going to come with me to the compound and we’re going to figure this out, it’s going to be okay Peter. I’m going to take care of this now, I’m going to take care of you.” 

Peter didn’t know for sure if he could believe in Mister Stark, he didn’t know if he could trust this in the long run. It was so hard to believe that someone wanted to take care of him, no one has ever actually wanted to take care of him. He’s never been wanted. 

It’s hard, but maybe he could try again, or attempt to try. 

Maybe he could try and not be broken. 

As he rode in the car with Mister Stark and watched the city fade behind them, he felt some sort of warmth in his chest, he felt like he could breathe a little bit better than usual. 

He had a little bit of hope left in his heart, it just needed to be ignited again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm really glad that I was able to get a chapter up. I actually had motivation to write which is great.   
I have therapy over a phone call tomorrow which is going to be really weird but I'm able to stay in my bed so I'm thankful for that.   
Enjoy everyone!   
Stay safe loves, please DM on Tumblr with prompts or if you need anything.   
spreadmeonyourtoastbitch is the username. Please follow me lol, I need company.


	7. nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows that he needs to be gone in order for people to be happy again. Peter has always been a problem, something to solve and nothing more. He needs to be gone to make people happy, it's the only way.

The compound was oddly quiet for it being a weekend. Usually the Avengers were hanging around and training since they were often busy on the weekdays. Peter was put off by the silence, but he let Mister Stark lead him to the main living room of the building. The man sent off a text to someone and took Peter to the training facility, pushing through the many doors and going through the many different rooms. They finally found themselves at MedBay and Tony sat Peter down before the boy could fall over due to the lack of strength in his legs. 

He was livid to say the least. Part of Tony knew that it wasn’t all his fault for everything happening to Pete, but he was supposed to look after the kid after May died, it was something that he promised to himself and May. Tony had never been good with feelings, but he wanted to make sure that Peter wasn’t the same way, he wanted the boy to know that he could come to him and let him help. The fact that someone had been hurting the boy, someone that Tony didn’t even know existed, it was sickening. He was a failure, he had let the boy down for what seems like the millionth time in the past year. 

Maybe he wasn’t meant to be a father. Or more of a father figure. He knew that he wasn’t Peter’s father, but more often than not, it sure felt like it. 

Right now was one of the moments that it felt like it. He had let the boy down, made him think that he wasn’t wanted or cared for. 

What was he even thinking? Letting the boy live on his own in an apartment. Sure, Tony was paying rent, and he was paying for the kids food sometimes, although Pete really didn’t eat all that much. He was doing all that but the kid was only 16, he had no experience on living on his own and he was far too young to be doing it. Tony knew that he did it out of fear that Peter wouldn’t have wanted to live with him in the first place. He wanted the kid to have his own space, but thinking on it now, an apartment just for the boy wasn’t the best idea. Living at the compound would’ve been far better.

Tony would’ve been able to see the way that Peter was falling apart, the way that he needed help, needed someone to take care of him. He was just a kid, practically a baby.

Maybe that was an over exaggeration, but he seemed so young, far too young to be going through all of this. 

He didn’t lie when he said he was proud of Peter, the boy was incredibly strong and able to take care of himself far better then Tony was able to when he was the boy’s age, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t need support, someone to hold him and take care of him. If Tony had just had the boy live with him in the first place, none of this would have happened.

Tony would have been able to meet this Jack and notice the warning signs that the boy would’ve surely given off. He would’ve been able to keep Peter away from his so called boyfriend and make him see that this Jack wasn’t good enough to have Pete. Frankly, no one was good enough to have Peter Parker in their lives. 

The boy was a blessing, he was selfless and caring. He doesn’t know how not to take care of people, it’s just in his nature, he has a certain healing feature that he can’t get rid of. Tony knows the boy fairly well, he knows that he has a huge guilt complex that almost no one can help him with. He knows that the boy blames himself for everything that goes wrong in his life (which is way too much for a 16 year old) and he knows how badly that can hurt him. 

Tony would rather die than let Peter blame himself for everything that had happened to him, even more so with everything that happened with his piece of shit Jack. 

Tony was going to get a last name and raise some hell, if not, he would have Natasha take care of it. He knows that the woman loves Peter way too much, but she was convinced that the boy was her Baby Spider. Why does she call him a spider? Tony will never know. 

Peter sat himself on one of the MedBay beds and fiddled with his hands, kicking his feet lightly. He was clearly on edge, uncomfortable and unsure of what was going to be happening. 

Tony sighed and walked over to the boy, ruffling his hair and giving him a reassuring smile, hoping to ease some of his fears that were peeking through. 

Tony knew that he should call Bruce, and get Peter a check up but he didn’t want to scare the kid away. He knew that the kid was scared, and he ran before so there was no knowing that he wouldn’t do it again. The last thing that Tony needed was a kid on the run again. Last time he had let Peter go, the boy had gotten even more hurt than he already was and that’s the last thing that Tony needed to happen right now. 

“Pete? Do you think you’d be okay with Bruce checking you out? Or do you want someone else from MedBay to do it? It’s up to you kiddo.” 

Tony was trying to give him some sort of choice, since it seems that he hadn’t gotten a choice in a lot of things recently. He didn’t want to force anything on Peter, not more that had already been. He wanted nothing more than to hold the kid and let him pick a movie to watch, maybe even pick a pizza order, but he knew that the kid needed to get checked out. It was for his own well being and Tony knew it would be selfish to sacrifice that. 

The boy shrugged and sunk into himself. 

“Do we need to have anyone do it? Can’t we just go up to our floor and watch a movie or something? I’m okay, really Mister Stark. I promise it’s just a little bruising is all.” 

Tony sighed and sat down beside the boy, still giving him some space just in case he wasn’t comfortable with the closeness of the situation. Tony knew what it was like to be scared of touch, to worry about getting hurt because of doing something wrong or causing a problem. Howard was never the best father. 

“Peter, bub I wish we could just go watch a movie but this is for your own good and to make sure that you really are okay. It’s not that I don’t trust you Pete, but I know how you can downplay injuries sometimes. Like that one time the circuit board blew up in your face and you shrugged it off.” 

Peter huffed a little laugh and shook his head, dropping it down even lower than it already was. Tears filled his bambi eyes as he looked at the floor. He didn’t want anyone touching him, he didn’t want any unwelcome hands on his body. The only person he trusted right now was Tony. the idea of someone else seeing him like this, touching him, it made him sick. 

“Mister Stark… I just, I don’t know. I can barely stand the thought of anyone… you know. I don’t think I’d be able to sit through something like that without running.”

Tony wrapped an arm around him and pressed a kiss to his fluffy hair, carding his fingers through it. 

“I’ll be right there if you want me to be Peter. I won’t go anywhere bub, but if you want me gone, I can make that happen too. I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.” 

Peter sighed and leaned his head against Tony’s shoulder.    
“Sorry to sound blunt, but I don’t think this can get much worse Mister Stark.” 

Tony brought in a shaky breath and sighed a little. He tried to force a smile but he knew it was hopeless. There was nothing to smile about. 

“Alright, well I guess I’ll stay then, let me call someone up, okay bub?” 

Pete only nodded and stared out the window, already shutting down in hope of forgetting about this whole exam, forgetting about everything that was about to happen. 

* * *

  
  
  


As it turns out, dissociating isn't always the best idea. Although it helped with getting through the exam with Bruce’s hands on him and Tony holding his hand, it didn’t help after when he could barely focus on anything, let alone form words. Bruce had mentioned to Tony that it seemed like Peter was used to dissociating and that it was probably something that he should look out for throughout the whole healing process. The thing is, Peter was there. He could hear everything and see everything, he could even sort of feel the sheets underneath him. Even though he was there, he wasn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to try and interact with the people around him, the people that were trying to help him. He couldn’t accept the fact that he was safe and that these people wanted him to be safe, wanted him to be taken care of. He didn’t believe that they actually wanted him here, at the compound. 

He was a waste of breath, a waste of space and a time consuming mess that Tony shouldn’t have to worry about. The man should worry about marrying Steve right now, or worry about proposing at the very least. Peter wasn’t important. He was barely even a whole person anymore. He was lost and confused and he didn’t understand why what Jack did to him was so bad. He deserved it. He was a bad person, a bad boyfriend, a bad intern. He was bad all around, and he just needed to be taught a lesson. It was necessary. He deserved it, more than anyone. He let May die, he let Tony be worried about him, he let everyone take him in when they should’ve been worried about something far more important that Peter fucking Parker. 

He was nothing compared to everything else these people had going on in their lives. 

He vaguely remembered Tony carrying him in his arms and to his own room at the compound. 

And that brought him to where he was now. Buried under about five blankets, his head the only visible part of him. Peter knew that he wasn’t all there, and he knew that it was worrying Tony quite a bit, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the world, to face all of the questions and problems that would surely be there if he got up and walked out into the living room where he could hear Tony and Steve talking. Talking about him to be more accurate. Tony was clearly crying, begging someone from above to not let this be true, to not let Peter be in this amount of pain. It was nice that he cared but he knew that there was nothing to do that could help him. Tony had Steve to hold on to during these times, but Peter knew that he would never really have anyone, no one to stay with him for more than a couple of years at a time. 

He was a waste. 

It was better if he didn’t talk, if he didn’t make Tony more upset and more worried, he didn’t want to cause any more pain, he didn’t want to be the cause of the man’s problems, and that goes for Steve too. Peter was so sick of being a problem, something that needs to be solved. 

He’s so sick of being here. Being on this earth. Breathing and walking around. He knows that it’s best if he just dies, but he knows that he needs to make Tony think that he’s doing okay. The man would only stress more and get more worried if he knew of the depressive thoughts in his head. He didn’t want to take time away from Tony’s life. He was busy with Steve, new projects, new deals, new buyers and investments. He was just so busy. He was always too busy. 

Peter needed to make everyone’s lives better. 

He needed to die. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to go in depth with the examination just for personal reasons so please don't hate lol. I couldn't bring myself to write about it.   
I hope y'all enjoy. Leave some comments on where you want to see this story go, they all help and they make me happy lol.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, he smiled and ate a little bit of his pasta, hoping that Tony wouldn’t notice that he isn't eating. The man was so worried about it early, but now he and Harley were chatting each other’s ears off. They were talking away like they had been friends for years, or even father and son. He was the outsider once again, he was a waste of space and forgotten in the background.

Peter didn’t get out of bed for a long time the next day. He woke up around 8, the rain pounding against the window, faint thunder booming. It was a gloomy morning, but it seemed fitting for how he felt right now. It was still shaky, everything was foggy and distant. He was a bit more aware of everything now that he slept for a good amount of time, and he knew now that he was done with all of the poking and prodding. There was nothing to be scared of now, or at least that’s what he wanted to believe, but he knew that his phone was going off with messages from Jack. The boy was clearly upset, he was livid and ready to beat Peter bloody. It scared him, it made him shaky and paranoid that something might happen. That Jack would find a way into the compound and kill Peter, or worse, hurt Mister Stark, Steve, anyone. Peter would rather take all the hits then let someone else get hurt because of him. It was his worst fear, letting someone get hurt, he couldn’t be the reason for people’s pain and hurt. He was already a failure, a fuck up, someone that no one wanted. He wasn’t wanted by anyone, even if Tony said that he wanted him around and wanted to help him through everything. 

He curled up under the blankets when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. He knew that he couldn’t stay in bed all day without bringing some sort of attention to himself. That was the problem with depression, you couldn’t hide it all the time without breaking a little. 

Tony walked into the room, scratching at his face. It was about 1 in the afternoon and he knew it was possible for Peter to still be asleep but he knew that he wasn’t. He already asked Friday about it. It was a bit invasive but it was easier than accidentally waking the boy up by going in there. Pete would try and pretend to be asleep but he isn’t stupid. Friday’s voice stopped him as he reached for the door. 

“Boss, Potato is requesting access to your floor.” 

Potato? What the fuck? Why would he ever nickname someone Potato, shit he must’ve been so wasted…

“Oh fuck Friday what’s the date today?”

  
“Sir, it’s November 15th.”

Harley. The boy was coming up from Rose Hill to spend time at the compound for the holidays. Tony and he had made these plans about five months ago, way before he found out that Peter was being abused, before May had died and Peter and her had plans for the holiday’s. He wasn’t going to have Pete around for the holidays, and although he wasn’t going to make the boy leave or anything, Harls and Pete hadn’t meant each other before. Tony didn’t want to startle Peter. Harley was a blessing, but he was a little shit and was very confident. The complete opposite of Peter. The younger boy was nothing but a sweetheart and took every chance to rip into himself. 

Tony sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Let him up Fri. Tell him to wait in the common area and that I’ll just be a little bit.” 

“You’ve got it boss.” 

Tony breathed deeply and walked into Peter’s room. 

“Hey bubs. How are ya doing? If you’re hungry I can make us some pasta for lunch.” 

The boy shuffled under the blankets and rubbed at his eyes. He turned to look at Tony with those heartbroken eyes that made him want to scream and kill the boy that did this to him. 

“I don’t know… I’m really not that hungry right now. Thank you though Mister Stark.” 

The man shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled the blankets of Pete a little bit, running his fingers through those curly locks. 

“Bub, you can call me Tony. It’s about time I’d say. And you need to eat Pete, you’re gonna get sick if you don’t.”

There was only silence, the boy closing his eyes and letting the soothing feel of Tony’s fingers running through his hair calm him down. 

“Um… also, there is someone I need you to meet. He’s gonna be staying here for awhile. I only just remembered honestly, I wouldn’t have had him if I knew you were going to be here but we made these plans a long time ago. I just wasn’t expecting you.” 

Peter knew that he was going to be an issue. He was always the issue, always making a mess. He only made things worse. 

“I… I cou-could leave To-Mister Stark… it’s okay… really.”

Tony shook his head quickly and grabbed the boy’s hand. 

“No kiddo, no. That’s not what I’m getting at. You’re staying here bub. You’re not going anywhere okay. You’re safe here and that’s the only thing that matters. I want you here, I want you to know that you’re safe and I’m going to take care of you.” 

Peter sniffled. 

“What’s his name..” 

Tony smiled a little, at least the boy was interested in something.

“Harley, I met him a while back, he saved my life actually. Smartest kid ever I swear. You’ll love him, he loves being around the lab and trying all these new things. He’s turning 18 soon, so not too far from you.” 

Peter shrunk back a little. Great, someone near his age, someone smart and wise, someone that saved Tony’s life rather than putting it in danger. Someone far better than Peter in general. 

Tony was replacing him now, he was so sick of everything that Peter was putting him through and just wanted someone better, someone smarter and older and someone that was obviously more important if Tony invited him to stay for quite some time. Or so it seemed. 

Peter put on a fake smile before Tony could notice him thinking about something.

“Yeah, sure I’ll say hi… but could we not mention everything that’s happening right now?” 

Tony smiled softly, nodding his head in reassurance. 

* * *

Tony walked out into the common area while Peter showered and saw Harley watching something on the TV. 

“Hey punk. How have you been?” 

Harls smiled and jumped up to hug Tony.    
“Hey old man! It’s been awhile hasn’t it? I feel like I haven’t seen you ugly mug in years.” 

Tony only laughed and ruffled the kids hair, the now brown locks getting all messed up. The boy used to have some of the dirtiest blonde hair Tony had seen, but it was bound to get darker at some point. 

“Yeah yeah. I know, good old ass Stark.” 

Tony sat them down, finding that Shark Tank was on. Offensive. 

“So what the hell do you have planned? Anything that needs blowing up or fixing?” 

Tony huffed a little laugh but turned to look at the boy seriously for a moment. 

“Actually Harls… we have a guest. His name is Peter, 16, he’s my intern, the one from Queens that had the circuit board blow up in his face. Remember?”

Harley looked puzzled for a moment but then nodded, but his eyebrows were still scrunched. 

“Why is he here? Doesn’t he come intern for you in the afternoons? Like around 4? It’s only 2.” 

Tony sighed, not really knowing how to explain this without giving too much away about Peter’s real story. He didn’t want to lose the boy’s trust, now more than ever. The boy needed to think that he was safe and would be taken care of. 

“Well, I don’t want to say too much cause I know he’s kind of a private person. But we got really close, and he’s important to me, so his aunt died and I’ve been taking care of him a bit. Got him an apartment, pay for his groceries and stuff. He’s in a tough spot so I thought it was safer for him to be here for now.” 

Harley only nodded, clearly thinking it over. He understood, really he did. This Peter kid was going through it, a lot probably. There had to be a reason he was living with his aunt rather than his parents. So they are out of the picture, his uncle must not be around if he ever had one. Tony was a good man, he had always been a good man, so Harley got why he was pitying his intern, it made sense for the man, he just did that sometimes. He did it to Harley once too, but they grew really close. Things changed and their relationship developed. This Peter must just be a sad orphan case. He didn’t want to sound mean or rude in any way, but he really was hoping to spend time with Tony by himself, not with some depressed kid lingering around in the background. Clearly the kid must be smart to be interning for Tony Stark. He’s fucking Tony Stark.

Tony obviously saw the inner turmoil and patted the kid on the back. 

“I’m sorry kid… I really didn’t think he’d be coming here and I didn’t just want to say no, or tell him that he had to stay by himself. He’s only 16…” 

Harley looked down and mumbled.

“When I was 16 I was home alone all the time…” 

Tony smiled sadly and sighed.    
“It’s a bit different in this case kiddo. I’m sorry, I know you were looking forward to it just being us, but hopefully we’ll get some alone time okay?” 

Harley smiled back and nodded. 

* * *

  
  


Peter wishes it took him longer to shower, that he had taken longer to wash up and erase everything that happened. Not only would it feel better, but he wouldn’t have had to hear Tony and Harley’s conversation about him. 

Tony didn’t want him around and he should’ve known that, no matter what the man said, it was clear as day that no one wanted him around. Tony only hoped that he and Harley would get some time alone. Peter needed to make sure that would happen, he needed to make sure that this Harley wouldn’t hate him. The boy means a lot to Tony and that’s clear, Peter didn’t want Tony hating him even more, being upset with him for being here and causing so many more problems. 

Peter took a deep breath, shoulders dropping a little, fiddling with this sweater to make little paws around his hands. It was a source of comfort, it was always something that he did when he was younger and things were getting too hard for Ben and May with money, he would take one of Ben’s sweatshirts and curl it around himself. The smell always made him feel a lot better. Peter still wore his sweaters sometimes, but the smell had faded a long time ago, it didn’t bring the same comfort. Peter started wearing some of Tony’s sweaters now, the smell of motor oil and aftershave was so much like how Ben smelled, it always made Peter want to tear up and cry for a little while. With another sigh he walked into the common area, making sure to keep his head down, hair falling in front of his face a little bit. It was easier to be smaller, it didn’t make you as much of a target. Peter always knew how to make himself less of a target. 

Both heads turned to look at him and Tony shot up off the couch, smiling softly and walking over to Peter. On his way he nudged Harley’s foot, making the boy stand up and smile a little bit at Peter.

Well shit. Harley may have been the hottest guy he’d seen in a long time. With his wavy hair, the darkest brown, almost black, it must’ve been dyed. He had sharp blue eyes that Peter could stare at for a long time. He would’ve almost smiled brightly at the boy if he hadn’t gotten a confused look from the older boy. 

Harley doesn’t like him. 

No one ever likes him. No one could ever like him, not even Jack liked him and he was supposed to be his boyfriend. But Peter knew that Jack only wanted him for sex, and even when they were doing that the boy was imagining someone else underneath him. 

Peter was never liked, ever. It still shocked him that Tony even bothered with him, that he looked at his file and throughout that Peter was a good choice. 

He doesn’t want to be choking back tears, or shuffling his feet, or curling in on himself because of shame, but he is. The most amazing boy doesn’t like him and looks at him like he’s a freak. He probably is, he knows that he’s always been a little weird, a little different. But Ben and May used to tell him that it was good to be different, that it was okay and he would find his people with time. He believed it for a little bit, until Ben died and then he got bullied even more and then May died. He didn’t believe that he would find people that cared about him anytime soon. He wasn’t worth anyone’s time, never had been. 

Tony sensed the worry in Peter’s eyes and cleared his throat. 

“Harley, this is Peter, Peter, this is Harley.” 

Harley sighed a little, barely could be heard at all and Peter is sure that Tony didn’t hear it, but he did. 

“Hi Peter… it’s uh, nice to meet you.”

The smile was fake. Peter knew what a fake smile looked like, he put one on all the time. He just wishes the boy liked him. He hadn’t even gotten to meet Peter yet, barely at least, he didn’t really know him, not really at least.

“H-hi… H-Harley. I’m Peter… it’s nice to meet, um, it’s nice to uh meet you.” 

His smile wasn’t fake, but he knew that it wouldn’t be because he was crushing on the cutest boy ever, and clearly it was one sided because Peter was nothing to look at he was ugly and annoying and God, who the fuck would ever like him. Why would anyone ever like him? He was repulsive, nothing more than a fuck if someone was bored or trying to get back at someone. Peter had only ever slept with one person, and he never actually wanted to. It wasn’t much of his choice, but it made Jack happy at the time, he only ever wanted to make people happy, that’s all. 

Harley kind of grimaced a little, the stutter obviously putting him off, but it was okay. He didn’t know Peter’s background, he didn’t know how traumatized he was, or how scared he was of touch, anyone’s touch beside Tony’s. He didn’t know about the cuts on his thighs, wrists and ribs. He didn’t know about all of the bad thoughts running through his head. Harley didn’t know anything, but Peter didn’t blame him, it wasn’t his fault that Peter was closed off and was so fucking up in the head. It wasn’t anyone’s fault besides his own. 

Tony clapped his hands together and smiled. 

“Are you boys hungry? I can make us some pasta for lunch, you guys can talk some more.” 

Tony sounded so fucking hopeful, so happy that the two of them were meeting. Peter didn’t want to let him down but Harley looked so disinterested by the idea of talking with Peter for even more time. They hadn’t even had a full conversation though, and Peter wanted to make the boy like him, or at least interested in talking with him. 

Peter smiled a little at the older boy, eyes shining hopefully, but the boy only shrugged and walked over to the couch, flopping down on it and turning the TV back on. Tony walked into the kitchen and he was left standing there, unsure of what to do, or where to go. Maybe it was best if he went back to his room and did some homework or something. Harley didn’t even look at him, so he probably didn’t want to have a conversation right now. 

With a little sigh, Peter walked over to the kitchen to see Tony putting a pot of water on the stove. He sat on a stool and leaned against the counter top. 

“Hey, Mister Stark… do you, um need, any help.” 

Tony turned around startled, smiling softly. 

“Hey, Pete. I’m okay here, why don’t you go hang out with Harley?” 

The last thing Peter wanted was to tell Tony about how he felt about Harley. He didn’t want to upset the man or the older boy. 

“Um… I just, I wanted to help, or try.”

Tony sighed a little and covered the pot so the water could boil. He came around the counter and sat beside Peter. 

“Bub, I know you have a tough time with new people and it can make you uncomfortable but maybe just try and get along with him? You never know what you could get out of it.” 

Peter only nodded and got up off his stool, walking over to the living room he sat down softly on the couch, trying not to disturb Harley from whatever he was watching. He didn’t want to make the boy upset. Maybe he could be really nice and get someone with the older boy?

“So um...where are you from?” 

He was surprised that there wasn’t stutter like last time, but at least he wasn’t embarrassing himself more than before. 

Harley shifted his seating a little bit, giving Peter a side look. 

“Roseville, Tennessee.” 

So maybe he wasn’t talkative, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to Peter. He was hoping for maybe a question back so he didn’t look like a fool that was desperate for some friends. Harley didn’t seem very thrilled about being near Peter, so he shut his mouth and turned to the TV to see what was happening on Shark Tank. Tony hated that show, making Peter sorta dislike it, but he hadn’t seen it enough, or even a full episode before. Mister Stark always shuts it down so quickly. 

The silence was unbearable. Peter hated it. He hated it when he couldn’t make people seem to enjoy his company. He knows people don’t really like him, but he was kind of hoping for a fresh start with someone new. Maybe he needed to break the guys shell, maybe Harley was shy as well. 

Right as Peter was about to ask another question Harley spoke up. 

“I know Tony is fond of us both or whatever but that doesn’t mean that we need to be friends or anything. You don’t have to talk to me or anything, I don’t really care.” 

Peter gulped a little bit, sticking his hands under his thighs so Harley wouldn’t see them shaking. The boy had seen though, but he didn’t make a comment, the younger boy was clearly uncomfortable and it’s making Harley wonder if Tony had told him the whole reason why Peter is here. Maybe it was more than the small boy being sad and lonely without his aunt around. 

The smaller boy sighed a little bit and wrapped his arms around himself. 

“I… I don’t mind be-being friends… I wo-wouldn’t mind getting to uh, to um know you.” 

Harley frowned a little, shifting and turning the TV down. 

“I just… we’re different is all. You are clearly more of a city boy, shy, closed off, overly sweet, everything that I’m not. It’s not bad or anything, just, I don’t know… you’re just an intern.” 

With that he turned up the TV again and Tony brought out three bowls of pasta, shaking his head and changing the channel to a movie rather than the show he found so offensive. 

Peter thought about what Harley had said. Of course they were different. Peter was too broken to be open and outgoing, he was never good at that. He was better at hiding behind his glasses that were too round. 

Just an intern. That’s all he was, he was nothing more than the poor orphan Tony was pitying because he didn’t want to be seen as some horrible person. It would be bad for his public image, not that Peter would ever say something to anyone about Mister Stark dropping him. He was nothing more than a kid that’s supposed to help Tony with stuff in the lab, he’s not even supposed to be sitting on the man’s couch. He shouldn’t be forcing the man to take care of him or pay for his food and housing. He was fucking worthless and Harley saw that. He saw that the minute he met Peter. 

He was pathetic.

So, he smiled and ate a little bit of his pasta, hoping that Tony wouldn’t notice that he isn't eating. The man was so worried about it early, but now he and Harley were chatting each other’s ears off. They were talking away like they had been friends for years, or even father and son. He was the outsider once again, he was a waste of space and forgotten in the background. He wasn’t included, and it made him upset that Harley was more comfortable here within an hour rather than Peter who comes here all the time and still can’t call Mister Stark Tony. 

He was so fucked up. And it hurt because Harley was so beautiful and intelligent. He was funny and had the nicest smile, eyes and hair. He was perfect and Peter was so… not. 

He was so fucked. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had time to write. Crazy. SO here's this.   
And Harley isn't going to be dick forever he's just mad rn because he was thrown for a loop. But Peter is gonna get worse before he gets better, so whoops LOL  
Enjoy. Please leave comments, they make me happy and give me some sort of motivation.


	9. Chapter 9

The following days were very similar to the interaction in the living room that first day. Peter was just as unsure and cautious of himself and his actions. He was so uncertain of whatever he was doing whenever he was around Harley and Tony. It got to the point that he was scared to be in the lab because he may mess up, and the last thing he wanted to do was mess up, he was so scared that if he did, Tony would see all of his fuck ups and want to get rid of him. 

Peter mostly stayed in his room, the only time he ever really went out was when Tony made him eat food and when it was lab time. Lab time wasn’t even as fun anymore, in fact it was something that he didn’t look forward to anymore. But, he went because making Tony think that he was okay was the most important thing right now, he can’t give anything away on how he’s really feeling. If he does, Tony will be even more invasive and pushy when it came to how he was doing. Peter didn’t need that, and he knows Harley will be upset if that happens. Taking Tony away from Harley will only make things worse. 

So, every day he smiled and nodded when Tony asked if he was doing okay, he always said no when Tony asked if he needed anything. It was only fair that he didn’t cause issues, cause if he did, things would get worse, Harley would hate him even more, everything would blow up and he would be left alone again. 

He couldn’t be alone anymore, not again. He was so used to it but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He just wanted someone to love him, he wanted someone to care about him and take care of him when he was having a bad day. Tony wants to be that person, but Peter knows that it’s a lie, it’s always been a lie, when the man says that he cares and wants to help. He can’t be alone anymore, not again. If he got left by someone again, he wasn’t sure if he could survive it. He rarely wants to be alive as it is.

* * *

It was nearing 2am and Peter still couldn’t fall asleep, but insomnia has always been a bitch to him. He’s never been able to sleep very well unless he was high as fuck or hadn’t slept in about three days. Otherwise he was stuck lying awake and over thinking all of his problems. 

God he wanted some weed right now. 

He never really smoked, not as much as he could, because sometimes it made him feel gross and out of control for at least a day. He had tried it for the first time when he was 14, and vowed to never do it again after Ben had found out. The man was so upset and disappointed with him. Peter hated that feeling, of making someone disappointed in him, it was something that he tried to avoid all the time. So starting that night he didn’t do it anymore, not till Ben died and it was only weed that made him feel calm. May never seemed to notice or at least she didn’t care if she did. 

With a huff, he rolled out of bed and opened the door slowly, making sure not to wake anyone up. He was nearly out the door when he caved in and grabbed the small stash he had in his backpack that he had packed before leaving his apartment. Peter made his way to the elevator and asked Friday to bring him up to the roof. 

It was freezing, but he was wearing a sweatshirt, joggers, and some fuzzy socks so he would be okay. Like usual, he sat on the ledge of the building, a little too close to the edge, making him a little shaky. 

Whenever he was upset and was at the tower, he tried to make his way up to the roof. Looking at the city at night was one of his favorite things to do. It made him feel a lot smaller, made him feel invisible. He loved feeling like he couldn’t be seen, he didn’t like the spotlight, it made him uncomfortable and scared. But being up here, he wasn’t any of that, the fear that was always in him faded away a little bit, not all the way, but a little bit. It was enough to let him breathe for a few hours, to just be here and be present. 

Sighing he pulled out some paper and his baggie of the little bit of weed he had left. Surprisingly he was pretty good at rolling joints, maybe it was because of his steady hand.

He rolled one quickly and lit it, taking a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out. He could already feel it, it was pretty strong stuff though so it made sense. 

God, it made him feel better. He felt less stranded and lost, he felt less dead. 

“Well, I would’ve never guessed little Peter was a smoker.” 

Peter jumped so violently that he could’ve fallen off the building. He whipped around only to see Harley standing by the door of the roof, smirking at him. 

“I… I um… I don’t usually… do this.”

Harley only nodded and walked over, sitting down by Peter, keeping a good distance.

“You know, when Tony first told me you were staying here, I thought it would be for like a day. Don’t you have an apartment?”   
Peter sighed a little, taking another drag and curling in on himself. 

“I really didn’t...I wasn’t planning on it…but Mister Stark said it would be okay.”   
Harley only nodded, kicking his feet a little, staring at the joint. 

“I can’t believe you call him Mister Stark… does he know you get stoned?”

The smaller boy shrugged, rubbing at his eyes, not understanding why there was moisture there. 

“No. I don’t do it a lot...just when, I don’t know, when I need it.” 

Harley laughed, shaking his head. 

“If you need that, then you should probably get some help there. Tony should know. He wouldn’t want you doing that, he’d probably want you out. He’s so against that shit ever since his playboy days.” 

Peter knew that, which is why he never talked to Mister Stark about how it helped him, how it made him calm and less sad. He didn’t want to make the man mad or make him think back to the days that he wanted to forget. Peter would only make things worse, but what’s new. 

“Yeah, I know. Which is why I don’t tell him about it…”

Harley huffed a little and stood up again. 

“Listen I don’t know your whole story or what’s going on with you. But, just try and not fuck something up. Tony has dealt with a lot in his life and he doesn’t need you breaking his heart too. He only wants to help but if you’re going to fuck around like this then maybe just leave okay?”

Peter turned to look at the older boy. 

“I’m not doing anything to mess with Mister Stark Harley. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone. I don’t know what I did do piss you off but just fuck off okay?”

The taller boy walked over to him, eyeing him up and down, he then grabbed the smaller boy’s wrist and yanked him to a standing position. 

“You didn’t do anything. I can just tell that you're trouble. Now come inside because Tony has to get up and get you.” 

Peter tried to yank his wrist away from the boy but Harley was stronger than him. This only worsened his fear that Harley wanted to hurt him somehow, or was going to make him do something that he didn’t want to do. They made it to the roof door, and walked in, the light blinding Peter slightly. He was just getting angry now. 

“What the fuck Harley, let go of me…” 

The boy yanked as hard as he could but at the same time the older boy let go, causing Peter to stumble back and his sweatshirt to ride up his arms. He always tried to cover his arms because of the cuts, and now Harley would see them. He would see them and see how weak Peter was, see how pathetic he was. He would hurt him, or do something more to make Peter know how fucked up he was. He would tell Tony. 

Everything stopped for a moment, neither one of the boy’s said anything, Harley only stared and stepped back a little. He hadn’t meant to get so rough with the boy or make him this upset, he surely didn’t mean to uncover a secret the smaller boy clearly wanted no one to know. He cuts? Harley didn’t think that it was that bad, or that the boy was that deep down. It was clear by the boy’s face that Tony didn’t know, Peter was about to start crying, probably begging for him not to tell. 

“Peter… I’m...I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure that...that Tony didn’t get the message from Friday. She told me first and had me come get you… I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

The more he talked the more the younger boy curled in on himself, he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He was so scared, the boy was shaking. He murmured something that Harley couldn’t make out, but finally did after a bit of thinking. 

“Please… ple-please d-don’t hurt me… I-I’m so so-sorry. I’ll… do w-what yo-you want.” 

Harley was taken aback. Why would he hurt the boy? He would never hurt anyone on purpose. 

“I’m not going to hurt you Peter…” 

The boy was going through something, some sort of PTSD. Or at least that’s what he had gathered from this encounter. Harley had pulled a string and now the boy was having a flashback or some sort of panic attack. He sighed a little, trying to think of a way to go about this, but before he could think about comforting the boy, he heard the elevator doors open. 

Tony. 

“What the hell is going on here?!”

The man took in the scene, he didn’t look mad, just concerned. Harely took that as a good sign. 

“Um… Friday told me that Peter went up to the roof, so I went to check on him. But we kinda got a little...I don’t know.”

Tony just sighed a little and looked over to Peter, the boy was clearly crying now, shaking horribly. 

“Harley… why don’t you uh, go to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning kiddo.” 

All Harley could do was nod. Hating what he had caused. 

* * *

Tony was woken up by Friday saying that Peter was experiencing a panic attack on the roof. Which, what the fuck? 

Now finding Peter and Harley on the roof was strange, but with the vague explanation he understood that Peter must have gotten scared by Harley, especially if the older boy had raised his voice.

Carefully Tony walked over to the shaking boy and sat down by him, running his fingers through the curly locks. 

“Petey… hey bubs. It’s okay hun, it’s okay, you’re safe I promise okay? You’re not going to get hurt here, no one is going to hurt you anymore. I won’t let anyone hurt you again, not like last time. Jack won’t get to you, and no one in this tower would ever hurt you on purpose.” 

The boy only sobbed a little louder and wrapped his arms around Tony, crying into the man's sweater. 

Tony let it happen, he let the boy grieve the loss of his innocence for a bit, he let the boy sit there on the ground until the tears stopped and he could only hiccup a little.    
“I’m so sorry Mister Stark.” 

Tony only shook his head. Although he wasn’t happy about the clear smell of weed coming from the boy, he wasn’t going to reprimand the boy right now, not while he was so fragile. 

“It’s alright bubba. Let’s get you to bed though, we can talk more in the morning once you’ve gotten some sleep. I’m sorry things with Harley got a little rough there, but he was only trying to help, he doesn’t know about everything you’re going through bambino.” 

Peter only nodded and let the man lead him downstairs and tuck him in like a five year old. Tony placed a kiss on the boy’s forehead and got him another blanket, making sure that the heat in the room was a little higher than usual. The boy always got so cold. 

“Goodnight bambi, love you. Get some sleep, we can talk more in the morning.” 

Peter nodded and gripped Tony’s hand one more time before letting the man go, waiting for the door to close before getting up and grabbing his razor.

He added a few more cuts to his thighs before lying back down and letting his eyes slip shut, not being able to focus on any of his thoughts anymore. 

* * *

A few rooms down, Harley thought about what he heard before the elevator took him down to their floor. Who was Jack? What had Peter dealt with? 

He needed to know, he needed to know more about the boy. He felt fucking horrible for what happened. 

He never wanted to upset the boy, in fact he cared about the boy, thought that he was kinda cute, a bit of a mystery to figure out. He only wanted to help, but he wasn’t very good at showing that he cared. From what it sounds like, the boy had been abused by this Jack person, so he must have thought Harley was going to hurt him or something. 

He needed to know more, but he was far too tired to think about anything right now. 

He would talk to Tony in the morning, apologize to Peter and maybe try and spend more time with the boy. 

He needed to help Peter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't very good but I did my best with the migraine I'm dealing with right now. Let me know what y'all think, thanks again for reading guys. Enjoy!


	10. Let me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically a filler chapter but just some good parenting moments from Steve and Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY  
I’ve been gone for so so long and I feel like I’ve let you guys down and I’m so so sorry. I lost my motivation for awhile there and things just got really bad, but I hope you guys can enjoy this  
I promise I’ll try and update more!!!   
ENJOY

The morning brought tense air throughout the whole compound. Subconsciously, Peter knew that it probably wasn’t all because of him, he’s only one person, one thing, and Tony seemed to be dealing with a lot right now anyway. But, that didn’t stop his mind from overthinking like always, convincing himself that it was all his fault, that everything was his fault. 

Much like the day before, Peter stayed in bed for as long as possible, even though Friday must have already told Tony that he was awake. It was nearing noon and he really needed to pee and probably take a shower. It’s been awhile since he’s had one of those. 

Finding the motivation to get out of bed took him at least another ten minutes, but he managed to reach the bathroom, switching the light on but avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. It was the last thing that he needed right now. He turned to shower on to the hottest setting and waited for the room to steam up before stripping and setting his clean clothes on the counter, letting the dirty ones fall to the floor for him to deal with later. 

The shower was needed. His mind was a lot clearer than it had been thirty minutes before and his body finally felt a little less used and dirty. Progress. The only thing the shower didn’t manage to bring was the courage to go out into the main living area and interact with Tony, Steve and most likely Harley. The boy must be awake by now, anybody within the compound was usually up by 8 and no later. Not including Peter, but that’s because Tony programmed Friday not to wake him up, it was something new he added once Peter started staying over night again. 

The boy didn’t have a problem with going out there and sitting down and watching tv, he had a problem with the conversation that would surely be happening. He knew that Tony wasn’t going to make him talk to Harley about anything or mention anything to him. It was Peter’s business and no one else’s, well besides Tony but that’s only because the man is the one that found him in one of the worst states of his life. Harley didn’t need to know anything. He didn’t deserve to know anything. Peter isn’t one for holding grudges or being rude to people and he wasn’t going to put the older boy down, but he didn’t appreciate being man-handled and dragged across the roof at 2am. Or being told that maybe he should just leave. Yes, Peter understands that he’s really only a nuisance and nothing more, but he didn’t need to be reminded of it. Jack did that enough for him. 

Somehow, Peter found himself in the living room flipping through channels before sighing and switching over to Netflix to watch The Office. One of the only shows he would never get old of. Even though it was kinda stupid humor and a little bland to some people, he saw the good in it and it made for good background noise while he zoned out. Like usual. 

He was surprised no one had walked into the room yet and it made him wonder if anyone was home, but he doubts that Tony would leave him here alone, or not leave a message for him once he woke up. 

As if the world was reading his mind, the door leading to the kitchen swung open and out walked Steve, who like always, smiled brightly at Peter and ruffled his hair, plopping down next to the boy with a sandwich in hand.

The man ate more than a fucking hippo. 

“Hey kiddo, how’re you doing?” 

Peter knows that Steve knows. Tony tells his husband everything. There are no secrets. Those left a long time ago. Honestly he isn’t mad about it, it’s easier than having to tell the blonde himself. It would be too hard, he knows how much Steve cares about the people in his life, and how he always wants to protect them. Peter can’t stand seeing people upset, let alone a super soldier. 

“I’m...okay I guess. Been better but...yeah. Just okay.” 

Steve readjusted his seating and got more comfortable while nodding. Understanding that the boy wasn’t going to be very great. Healing takes time. Sometimes a lot of it, and no one could push the boy to get better or improve. He had to do it himself and in his own time. 

“I know Tony is your go to kiddo but I’m always here if you need anything. I promise I’m not intimidating, just kinda tall with some muscles.” 

Peter huffed out a laugh, enjoying the arm that was thrown around his shoulders and pulled him closer into the man. 

“You are intimidating but okay. I know I can come to you. I trust you just as much as I trust Tony….sometimes I think it’s easier to talk to you. I don’t know why though. It doesn’t mean anything against Mister Stark. I promise.” 

Steve ran a hand up and down the small boy's arm, shrugging. 

“It’s okay. Sometimes you settle for what feels more comfortable in the moment. Doesn’t always mean something bud. Don’t read too much into it, okay?” 

Peter nodded. Resting his head on the man's shoulder and letting his eyes slip shut again. 

It was only thirty minutes later when he woke up and Steve was gone, probably in the gym. 

Tony had just sat on the couch, not meaning to wake the boy, but inevitably doing so. 

“Hey bambino. Little tired I see?” 

Peter nodded, yawning into his hand before wrapping the blanket that must’ve been draped on him tighter around his body. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll try and get up a decent time from now on.” 

Tony dismissed him with a wave and a kind smile. 

“Hush bub. I get it. You’re mentally exhausted, and physically trying to heal. Your body is just doing what it needs to do. It’s okay to be tired. Don’t apologize to me, it isn’t needed Bambi.” 

Pete smiles a little back and nodded, burrowing himself deeper into the blanket. 

“Thank you for helping me last night...I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I scared Harley.” 

Tony moves closer, taking the boy into his arms and getting comfortable, The Office drowning out the silence. 

“I'm always going to help you Peter. You have no idea how much you mean to me bambino. I know sometimes you struggle with understanding that people want you around, but we do. I do. I love you like a kid, and I know I would kinda make a shitty dad, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try.” 

The man took a deep breath, running callused fingers through Peter’s hair. 

“As for Harley, you didn’t scare him. He’s just worried. And he feels horrible that he made you upset. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong, which I get, but it doesn’t mean he should’ve taken things into his own hands. He should’ve gotten me to come get you. That’s on him.” 

Peter sighed, snuggling in closer and closing his eyes. 

“Don’t blame him please. He didn’t mean any harm. I’m just fucked up. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with me and that’s not on him.” 

Tony hummed, not saying anything about the statement, only acknowledging it. He shifted a little, letting the boy rest his head on the man's chest rather than his shoulder. 

“As for you, no smoking. You should know that young man. It’s not good for you, and I know that makes me sound like a hypocrite but I only want what’s best for you. I don’t want you making the same mistakes I did.” 

The boy shrunk into himself a little bit, hands shaking the slightest. 

“I’m...I’m really sorry Tony. I didn’t...I know it’s bad. I just, it helps me sleep..and...and I just haven’t been able to lately.” 

Tony turned the boy's head so he would look at him and smiled sadly. 

“Please come to me with these things bambino. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on. We can try melatonin or even medication if that’s what you need Peter, but I mean it. No more smoking. I don’t care that it wasn’t done inside. I care about your health.” 

The boy looked down, breaking eye contact, but he nodded, ashamed that he had made the man upset. 

“I’m not mad at you Bub. Please don’t think I am. I understand where you’re coming from. But this won’t help your grieving process or your healing process. Please just come to me and let me help you as much as I can. Okay?” 

Peter nodded. Wiping a tear away before sinking back into Tony’s embrace. 

“I...I’ll try. I promise. I will.” 

And that was good enough for the both of them for the moment. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys seriously I’m so fucked up in the head I’m so sorry I was gone for so long  
I missed y’all so much and I just wanna write stuff to make you happy and I wanna keep you guys reading so here ya go   
Leave comments please   
They make me happy

**Author's Note:**

> Go easy on my soul please lol.   
This is a new thing.   
I’m usually in the Riverdale Fandom.   
But I love Peter Parker so here we are. 
> 
> Also I know this is short. It’s just a lil teaser to see if people like it and maybe want more.


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